


The Second Annual Port Phobos Invitational

by The_Fenspace_Collective



Category: Fenspace
Genre: Fenspace - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-12-19
Updated: 2008-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-01 00:25:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fenspace_Collective/pseuds/The_Fenspace_Collective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>January 15-16, 2015: Welcome back to Port Phobos, body armour and silly string recommended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Second Annual Port Phobos Invitational

* * *

"And in off-planet news the second annual Port Phobos Invitational touched off two hours ago. Current reports place the casualty count in the hundreds with the Stellvians taking an early lead with a rumored Kaboomite bomb."

"Joining us to explain the dangers these unstable people pose for us is Doctor..."

The electronic equivalent of a tap on the shoulder drew part of Aristotle's attention away from the FoxNews feed. Assigning a sub process to monitor the channel she focused on the AI who'd just pinged her comm array.

"Hello Arthur, I didn't know you were this deep in the well," she said.

"Didn't expect to be here myself, but we made better progress than I'd anticipated and someone had to make a supply run," he replied. "Figured I'd drop a line while I was passing through. What are you up to?"

"Watching the news, Port Phobos has made the major networks," she said.

Arthur grinned hearing that. "Ah, the 'danes. What's the BBC Sol service saying?"

"No idea, I'm watching FoxNews," Aristotle said, feeling slightly guilty.

"Dear Ghu, Why?!?"

"F calls it morbid curiosity."

"Better you than me," Arthur grimaced. "Don't suppose I can distract you with a game of Go before the comms lag gets too annoying?"

Aristotle adjusted the news feed monitor thread as she willed up a game board and pieces. "I think you could," she said.

* * *

I grinned as I noticed a trio of ninja coming towards me. "You lot sure you want to do that?" My grin widened, going definitely predatory. "Have you ever noticed how much Son Goku and Uzumaki Naruto are alike? And we Saiyajin have always picked up tricks easily." As they paused for a second, blinking, I crossed my hands in a seal all-too-familiar to them. "KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" The air shimmered around me...and suddenly there were five Jasons facing them. We all grinned in unison. "Hi there!" We cackled, and started forward, pulling Nerf bo-staffs from the holsters on our backs.

Suddenly, all eight of them found themselves being rained on by full-auto nerf-fire. Tucked away in the nooks and crannies of walkways and balconies overhead was a troop of Jess's. They all wore Rei's schoolgirl uniform, except that they also had jungle-camo headbands. Somehow, that in combination with the realistic looking guns made them look very intimidating.

I laughed, trying to dodge the fire as best I could. "Jeez! Overkill much?" I made a throwing motion...and disappeared into a puff of smoke. Pressing myself back against the wall and letting an image of the wall cover me, I slowly sidled off towards the closest exit not bearing a Jess. Meanwhile, my four bunshin all yelled out "Henge!" They vanished in puffs of smoke, to be replaced by four identical young men - late teens or so, shaggy blond hair and dressed in what appeared to be green and brown SCA garb. Their bo-staffs had been replaced by stringless bows...but that didn't hinder them as they drew back, and glowing arrows appeared on strings of light. "OK, we love you, bye-bye!" They fired the arrows straight up, where they burst into blinding flares for a few seconds. After the light had faded, the four had vanished as well...leaving just the original three ninja. And the Jess-army.

* * *

**"You!"**

The shout rang out over the din of the fighting along the promenade and the individual battles began to taper off. Fen off all factions withdrew to the walls, clearing a long space down Port Phobos' outer hall. At one end stood a young man in blue and white armour with an OGJ unit patch on the shoulder. At the other an angry woman in a green-grey body suit with N.U.N.S. markings.

The man dropped his foam sword and lazily turned to face his challenger. His hand dropping down to rest on the butt of his holstered pistol. The woman glared at him, her entire posture radiating anger. "It's time we settled this, once and for all," she ground out.

From somewhere among the shops the lined the hall the first strains of a familiar old song began to play. On the side lines two pirates glanced at each other, and grinning, tossed their hats to the two fighters. The man caught the hat and settled it on his head. He tugged the wide, broad brim down and smiled. "I reckon it is," he said, and began to advance down the cleared space.

The two advanced on each other, their pace slow and measured. They stopped, fifteen feet from each other, hands poised over their hostlered pistols. The music reached its climax and high above them the great Counter Clock struck '51'. Two hands snagged their weapons and brought them up with blinding speed.

* * *

Benjamin and Gina had their hands full. While they were busy playing a game of sniper-vs-sniper, they were picking off any fen who thought they could get the drop on them.

Gina had an overall advantage. She had been able to tap into the Port Phobos security cam network and presto! Eyes everywhere! Benjamin, however, had a means of a speedy, if overly flashy, egress.

Case in point - Gina took a shot at Benjamin's head, but due to the interference of one of the other fen the shot went a little wild. Benjamin took immediate notice of the nerf-pellet ricocheting off the wall by his head.

"Shit! SHOCKING FIRST BULLET!" **BOOM!** And he went airborne and out of sight. Gina cursed in German and began to find herself a new hiding spot. She stepped on the offending fen that had made her last shot go wide last time just because he deserved it. He was probably a perverted Asuka-fanboy anyways.

* * *

"You realize that we're dangerously outnumbered here," whispered Kohran.

The two others nodded. "But we do have a few tactical advantages. Our archer, for example."

Safety smiled, readied her bow, and flew up into the support struts above the other girls' heads. "I'll pick off anyone tha-OOF!" She fell back down into Takami's hands.

"What happened?"

"Got hit... by a car... Tell Noah... and the others... to avenge me..."

"You're a miserable actor, Safety."

The smallest of the humaniform androids frowned. "I'm not designed to mislead people. Sorry."

"That's all right. So, somebody who uses toy cars as weapons is after us - that probably means either Dee, Azu Squadron, the Jason, or Fate. So why are we standing here?" Takami stated rollerblading away from their current position, only to be stopped by Kohran.

"Because it's still safer than being out there. I left a package in the main hall." Just then, there was a muffled explosion. "That would be my kaboomite bomb."

_"Your **what?"**_ Takami and Safety both screamed.

"Shut up, Safety, you're 'dead.' Okay, it's just an oversized pompom grenade, but it says 'Kaboomite' on the pompoms. I figured we should clear out all the slower thinkers at one go."

"Great. Now we just have to worry about the smart opponents." Takami dodged as a toy car passed by her head. "Like whoever that is..."

* * *

"What's he doing?"

"The crossword."

"What?!"

"Blackstone is sitting at a sidewalk cafe, doing the _Kandor City Beacon_ crossword. In pen."

"Any sign of the others?"

"Not one."

"You sure? J. is a Ninja Rockstar Firefighter, you know."

"I'm telling you, the only people around are the waitstaff and a guy picking up the recyclables."

"Okay. Move up. He's gotta be ready for ambushes, but if we rush him, we can take him before he can get out of there."

I was working on a seven-letter word for "Spider-Man villain" with an L as the second letter, when the three Browncoats that had been watching me for the past ten minutes made their move. As they closed to short range, I capped my pen, stood, and held out a hand, halting their forward movement. "A question," I said. "Do you know how many people are members of the Banzai Institute Blue Blazers?"

The first one looked confused at the apparent non-sequitur. Right up until the waiter refilling my tea shot him with a dart gun, and the Recyclables pickup took out the other two. "Apparently not," I continued, returning to my seat. "Thanks, guys."

* * *

Dee blinked in confusion across her drone force. "How did she do it? She's just one person, and a biologic at that!" Grumping, she opened up a research channel and looked up the person who had eliminated her in toto.

>   
>  Thomas R. Dobbs  
>  Gunnery Sergeant, United States Marine Corps  
>  Medal of Honor (Details Classified)  
>  Silver Star  
>  Bronze Star  
>  Purple Heart with two clusters  
>  Service Ribbons for Second Iraq War, Afghan Conflict
> 
> Honorable Discharge

* * *

There were days when I really wished I was a ninja. Then there were the days when I indulged that wish. Like today. Sneaking along the corridors in thermoptic camouflage (thank you, TSAB), nerf-gun in hand. I paused at a cross-corridor and stuck a dental mirror around it at knee-height to check for ambushes. Seeing nothing, I waved Major O'Connell and Rei forward and covered them as they crossed...

And that's when the horde of rampaging Reis in camouflage headbands came out of nowhere down that cross-corridor and ran me down.

Groaning, I let off a couple of weak shots in their general direction, and caught Jess's laugh. "Try again next year, Rockhound!"

Taking Rei's hand, I stood up with her help, dusted myself off, and glared down the corridor the horde had come. "You could have at least shot some of them." The two girls just smiled, and Amy laughed. She has a nice laugh. I like it. Rei... doesn't laugh. I've tried enough times to get her to.

"So, then. Am I dead or do we go on and seize the station in the name of Mom, Apple Pie, and Floating Space Rocks?"

The Jessica currently at the lead shrugged in reply. "Eh, what the hell. I may have about a hundred extra brains to think with, but it's still only one persona. Having another perspective is a nice thing. Besides, last I saw Ben and Gina they were going at it with boffa daggers."

"Bad, was it?"

Jess grinned and shook her head sadly. "Let's just say that I pity the poor souls that tried to get between them."

Jess slid to a stop by the hatch, taking up firing positions on either side. She triggered the control and swung her nerf guns around to cover herself as she charged through the now open door.

The Rockhounds team was bringing up the rear and were startled by when the nearest Jess swore. The raced into the room, intent on backing her up, and stumbled into a scene of utter devastation.

The large room was littered with the remains of a fierce battle. Nerf darts, 'waved silly string, the strange lumpy formations of creme soda/epoxy bombs and the remains of various other weapons were everywhere, along with the unconscious bodies of many fen.

O'Connell did a quick survey of the room. "It looks like there's only two factions here. They must have eliminated themselves."

"I don't think so," said Jess. She was clustered around something in the center of the room. As the others approached she stepped back, revealing a shell-shocked R. Takami Sakuragi who was doing a very credible impression of a thousand-yard stare. "Takami-san, can you tell us what happened?" she asked in a gentle voice.

Takami blinked and focused on Jess, seemingly only now realizing there was someone else there. "I... I got separated from Kohran... there was an ambush... and these cars... and... and I ran in here to escape." She started sobbing. "They... it was horrible... they wouldn't stop and... they... I... I had to do something... I had to..."

Takami stopped speaking and returned to staring at the bulkhead, rocking back and forth.

"I can't even begin to imagine," O'Connell said, staring down at the fort, hastily improvised from the room's furniture, where the fen had made their last stand. Unconscious bodies in the hard white armour of Stormtroopers lay mixed with those in the red uniforms of Starfleet Security.

* * *

Things were quiet aboard the ''Fateful Lightning,'' with a good portion of her crew and those of the Yggdrasil playing in the war. The only sounds to be heard were the quiet laughter of an old woman...and the Beach Boys playing in the background - ''Little Old Lady From Pasadena.''

* * *

No one really knows how it got there, except there was a neat hole punched through the window of the hotel room in the shape of a toy car.

Immediately following this intrusion, a string of curses in English and German made the air itself into a weapon for anyone who was the least bit innocent as their ears began to smoke.

Moments later inside that hotel room, Benjamin and Gina were going over the remains of a toy car.

"Well, can you get anything off of its wireless?" asked Benjamin.

Gina smiled. It was not a nice smile. "Yes, I did."

Benjamin's trademark mischievous smile appeared. "I take it somebody's going to either die or wish they did."

"Why, whatever gave you that idea?" replied Gina, her grin-o-doom still plastered on her face as she began to arm herself once more.

"Oooooh, nothing!" said Ben in a sing-song tone as he got up to help her.

The responsible party could run. They could possibly hide. But no matter who it was, AI or Human(oid?), there was no escaping The Wrath of Regina Langley(tm).

* * *

I slipped into the room, keeping an eye on the holographic display floating just to the right side of my vision. Nobody showing up so far, but that wasn't necessarily an assurance of safety. Once in position, with a good view of the room and the elevator banks, I leaned back against the wall and sub-vocalized, just enough for my throat mike to pick up, "OK, Iris. Hide me." The air shimmered around me, and the wall now had one more column than before.

Looking over the map a bit more closely now, I tried to see who would be coming this way shortly. This level was fairly quiet at the moment, but I saw a few good prospects. Fortunately, most of the icons were easy to read: brown for Browncoats, Blue Blazers in blue...little Jolly Rogers for the pirates, ninjas in orange....It made keeping track - and choosing fun targets - a lot easier. I smiled, watching a pair of red dots coming this way. Soon, soon...I spoke softly again, "Fate? How're things on your end?" Her voice rang in my earbud. "Fairly well, father. Samantha and Junior are a big help in here. We're not the only ones in the system - Gina is in here, too - but so far between the three of us, we appear to have successfully masked our own presence. A few signs that there might have been others here, but nothing current. Unless they're hiding themselves even better than we are." I nodded. "Be careful. The map's really appreciated though." That got a chuckle. "Thought you'd like it. I've been in here enough over the years that this is old territory for me. We're also attempting a masking program for you, to erase your presence from anyone else attempting to use the system. No way of knowing how successful that will be until someone trying to use the system reacts to it or you, however."

I shrugged. "Not a big deal. Nice if it works, if not...." Another shrug, then I grinned as I saw the two red dots almost to the room. "Just about showtime. Let's see how the new toy works, hmm?" I settled in quietly, waiting.

A pair of Trekkies entered, wielding Nerf guns.They peered warily around the room and started towards the elevators - to set up an ambush maybe? About halfway there, I sent off my little surprise. When they caught movement out of the corners of their eyes, they whirled to cover it with their guns...and froze at the sight of a little green anthropomorphic duck, dressed in a diaper and sucking on a huge baby bottle. It waddled towards them, giving them huge, innocent eyes. Why they didn't fire just on general principle, I have no idea...I would've. Nothing that looked that cute could be up to any good right now. The little duck peered up at them. "Me Plucky. Who're you?" One of them actually gave his NAME. I bit my lip, hard.

I glanced over the map for a second, noting another open room three levels up that was empty, and murmured softly. "Fate. Send an elevator to the bottom to get it out of the way...and bring in the cloud, just down the corridor." Off to the side, the little duck was still peering up at the two Trekkie redshirts. It spoke again, "Wanna hear a secwet?" It got a little closer, then squeezed its bottle tight...before grinning. "Fire go down the hoooole." It vanished with a poof of smoke to reveal a grinning image of me, holding a canister. Even as the pair tried to target me, the grenade exploded, coating the hapless redshirts with a rapidly expanding, foaming mixture of marshmallow cream and maple syrup. A mixture that was quickly starting to harden as well. I bit back a snicker. It wouldn't harden completely, but that made it worse. It was some of the stickiest, most uncomfortable goop ever....and the pair were covered. The image of me vanished, the empty grenade falling to the ground as I got treated to some of the most imaginative cussing I'd heard in a while. It was getting harder and harder to stifle laughter.

I nodded. Time to run, and see what else I could get into. I'd always considered myself Chaotic Good, and it was fun to let the Chaotic side out to play now and then. I subvocalized, "OK, bring in the cloud. We're going up three levels, to the empty atrium up there. Got the doors?" I received an affirmative from Fate, and just before my ride appeared, I let my holographic disquise go and whistled loudly. "Kinto'un!" A yellowish cloud rushed towards me and I jumped into the air. It swooped under me and as my feet hit its surface, I felt the gravity field and force field clamps and braces kick into place. "Hit it!" We were accelerating towards the elevator banks even before I'd finished speaking. The two Trekkies were watching me - they couldn't fire, their guns were far too gooped-up for that - cussing and shaking their fists at me. We were already doing seventy when I blew past them, laughing and heading straight towards the bank of elevators.

Just when it looked like we'd hit, the doors of one elevator snapped open, revealing an empty shaft. We were in and the cloud did a nearly right angle turn up, still accelerating. Laughter rang down the shaft, the last thing the Trekkies heard before the doors snapped shut again.

Three levels up, a pair of elevator doors whooshed open and my cloud and I flew out. I grinned, doing a couple rolls for the hell of it, and then headed off towards the emptier parts of the Port to get some food before going back to the battle.

* * *

No time to rest - we had a trio of ninja on our tail, and they were gaining on us. Time to show them why you don't bring empty hands to a gunfight. I spun, pumped the shotgun, and fired off another spiderweb. They didn't get out of the way in time.

Now we could rest. I brought my commwatch up, then thought better - if Kohran's, AC's, or Kagome's teams were waiting in ambush or hiding from superior forces, I didn't want to give away their positions with an ill-timed comm beep.

"Right," whispered Yayoi, "bad idea."

"Tell me again why we're taking part in this?" Leda asked.

"I really want that near-mint copy of the ''Liber Canticorum'' the SJGames staff wagered on winning this. They still haven't converted that one to PDF, and it's the only ''In Nomine'' rulebook I don't own."

"Can't you afford to buy one, Noah?"

"Yes, but it's the principle of the thing." Metal scraped metal behind us, and I turned and fired off another spiderweb... to catch a nine-year-old child in the net. Assuming he wasn't a youthened biomod, like the Jason.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're a bad man!!!!!"

He's got the lungs of a little kid... "Good, bad - I'm the one with the boomstick."

Somebody in a shadow we hadn't yet checked complained, "That's not how the quote goes!" I shot my last spiderweb round in that direction, catching three more weekend warriors. Fivers, from the look of their outfits.

"Thanks for letting us know you were waiting there. If this was a real skirmish, you'd be dead now."

"Asshole," the pedant muttered.

I grinned. "No, I'm a son of a bitch. Says so on my business cards."

* * *

Something shimmered into existence five centimeters above the floor. It was two meters in diameter and had exactly zero thickness. At least, it did in this universe.

(Aboard the ''Epsilon Blade'', the ship's DQS alarm sounded. Pity there wasn't anyone aboard to hear it.)

Five women jumped out of the circle and quickly took up defensive positions. The albino turned to the raven-haired youngling. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Of course I'm sure. I'm not limited to four-dimensional geometry, remember? And we have time for this now that we've dropped off everyone else in their home worlds, or the worlds they want to stay in."

"And we have to take part... and lose?" asked the tall brunette. "I don't like losing."

"Nancy says we did," the asian blonde mentioned.

"And she'd know," said the remaining woman as she stripped out of her designer clothes and held a pocket-sized gadget to her chest. The others who could also transformed in preparation for the upcoming action.

Lisa, Skuld, Rei, Makoto, and Mirai smiled - predatory smiles. The Girls were taking part in the Second Annual Port Phobos Invitational without an invitation.

 

Twenty-three minutes later, after they had been seen by seven other groups (enough for Nancy to be happy, hoped Lisa), avoided three more groups who would have recognized them immediately, and been defeated by a group of Fisherbots, they found an unmonitored corridor and continued on their way through the infinite realities. No point in overstaying their welcome, after all.

* * *

Auger wandered up to Callahan's and stuck his head inside. The bar was mostly filled with fen, almost all of them wearing arm bands to indicate they'd been eliminated. Near the piano a karaoke machine had been set up and two miniature women were signing a duet. Their audience, which seemed to consist mostly of drunken copies of the one with out glasses and angel wings, seemed quite enthusiastic. Turning his head to sweep the room, Auger spotted a familiar hat in the opposite corner and headed over.

F looked up as Auger dropped into the chair next to his. The pilot's normally spotless scarf was singed and the faint odor of caramel corn clung to him. F grinned and pushed a spare shot glass forward, before filling it from the bottle sitting next to him. "Well," he said, "you lasted longer than I did."

Auger chuckled and drew a cigarette from the package in his pocket. He placed it in his mouth, and left it unlit. "What happened to you? Last thing I heard your squad was headed for the docks," he said.

"We were. Ran into a bunch of pirates and ninja fighting on the way. Had a nice little running battle with them 'til we chased the pirates out into bay 5. Someone had a mortar team dug in out in front of Raven's Garage. We didn't notice until the pom-pom rounds started landing."

Wincing in sympathy Auger took a sip of his drink. "Got all of you did they?"

"Most of us. When I left the survivors had overrun the mortar pit and were taking fire from down the north corridor," said F. "How about you and Grey? If you're here I'm surprised our resident catgirl isn't along to complain and mock us."

"Well, we ran in to a couple of squads of senshi on level 2," Auger said.

"Ah, and Grey stayed behind to give the rest of you time to escape." F was smirking.

"Yes, she was attempting to 'engage the enemy more closely' when we were forced back to the lifts. I think she knew the senshi in the first squad, so we probably won't see her for a few days at least."

They both grinned at that, and after raising their glasses to salute their friend and, after draining them, sent them sailing into the fire place to join the large pile of shards already there.

* * *

There were times Greenpeace wished A.C. wasn't such a stick-in-the-mud, but now things were calmed down that meant a lot of work fitting new cybernetics. Still, the rest of them could let off steam.

She lined up her Nerf-magnetic Accelerator Rifle on her target from where she was floating near the roof of one of the open areas, and plugged her right between the eyes. Goddess did she love these goggles as the mixed bag of Warsies and Colonials wondered where the hell the shot had come from. Especially when the Tachikoma stationed to the side fired a webbing grenade into their group.

__She 'murmured' via the wireless neural interface A.C. had installed as a Christmas present.

__Eddie's voice came through. __

Greenpeace giggled in response and dropped a 'silky darling' grenade, watching it appear as it fell out of the thermoptic camouflage. Even up here she could here the screams of outrage as all the Senshi suddenly found themselves wearing nothing but very racy silk lingerie. The cries of horror that quickly followed meant they'd just realized the Kamen in the group were similarly attired.

* * *

The corridor was completely empty. At least, that would be the first impression. The second and third ones too.

Then seven teams of Ninjas appeared from behind concealment, and collapsed unconscious.

There was a rather pregnant pause.

Then the Jonin in charge made a run for it, before running into an invisible brick wall and knocking himself out.

With a soft 'Phst', the Tachikoma disengaged its camouflage and looked at the fallen man.

"Um..."

With a similar soft 'Phst' Kasumi appeared, a disappointed scowl on her face.

"Oh my. They ARE letting their standards slip, aren't they?" Kasumi mused. __

__

__Kasumi sighed. __

__

The Tachikoma snickered over the link as the two of them re-engaged their camo. The thought of The Jason being subjected to Marshmallow Hell tickled their funny bones.

* * *

A platoon of Stormtroopers marching in parade formation can be impressive. Said platoon engaged in synchronised fleeing is eye-boggling. It didn't help as ahead of them what looked like a Hunter/Killer drone from the T3 movie sideslipped on its tilting jets and opened fire with its nose mounted web-pellet gun.

Their temporary allies from the Starfleet Marines came up behind it and fired some beanbags at it. It dodged and returned fire with its tail-mounted web-pellet gun. The assembled soldiers glared as the drone _bowed_ to them before flying off, and it took a minute for one of the Stormtroopers to realize what had been painted on the nose.

"Was that a gold cricket bail? With DEVIL HORNS?"

* * *

"Come out Inspector! We have you surrounded!"

"Don't mind me, the Sailor Senshi with the actual NAME." Muttered Sailor Atalante, causing Utena to shoot her a 'NOT helping' look.

"Mary, hush." The pink-haired inspector hissed, gripping her boffa sword tighter.

"Well EXCUS-" POOF! THUD! "EH!?!" Atalante looked up, to see the twelve strong squad of Browncoats literally snoring on the floor. "What for Jupiter's Sake?"

"That, Lass," A Scottish brogue said to the side as a man appeared, "Would be me."

"Adonis." Utena said happily, before noticing the fact that the camouflage suit Adonis was wearing showed off his body ''very'' well and blushed. Atalante had her jaw hanging open and was drooling.

"Now what would your wife think?" Adonis chuckled, before throwing Atalante over his shoulder. "Come on Lass, Lebia's opened a corridor back to your group. I'll get you to the lifts, then you're on your own. You ken?"

Utena nodded sharply, then the two of them quick-timed it out of there.

* * *

Lebia was getting a bit bored, so she figured she'd end the stalemate in a fun fashion.

The Spartans looked over their barricade, to see the Landmate and its two Tachikoma companions quickly stack ten washing machines 4-4-2 style, toss something into each of them, turn them on to full spin and push them rapidly towards them.

The misgivings were realised as each of the doors ''exploded'' open with a geyser of brightly-colored foam, covering everything.

Then the Disco started, and they couldn't stop dancing.

* * *

A.C. had intended to stay out of the whole thing, and in fact had returned the invitation as 'Not taking part' (although that didn't stop the blue-haired frenzy of new tricks she'd put together as she sponsored the rest of the _Forge_ crew). In fact she was currently running a series of lectures on the installation of the latest generation of cybernetics to the Phobos medical department. She was even wearing the Red Cross armband designating her as medical personnel (and thus off limits, as was the medical department).

Thus when a mixed bag of Senshi, Supers, and Starfleet invaded, she wasn't the only one extremely annoyed.

"HA! Your little trick with not being publicly involved was pretty clever, but WE have seen through it!" The lead Senshi exclaimed.

"Alcohol poisoning?" One doctor asked.

"They have all the signs." Another agreed.

"We have the room at the moment to treat them." The chief orderly piped up.

"They ''are'' armed though." The first doctor pointed out.

"It's only Nerf." The second shrugged.

The invasion force started to get nervous, before a cloud of bandages engulfed them.

"Right." The chief orderly clapped her hands together after a brief gape at the now mummified group. "Ward 3 everybody."

"Fen." A.C. snorted, as she turned away from the supply trolley.

* * *

Kagome grabbed Jake's arm before he could duck around the corner. "Don't. It's the perfect place for a trap."

"You're sure, Ms. Mishima? Of course you're sure." Jake Hansen, enjoying a rare day away from _Stellvia_ 's main ops, sighed. "What have we got left?"

Miyuri Akisato looked at the grenades left on her belt. "Three pantsu, two pompom, and four spiderwebs."

Kagome didn't look at her own belt. "Two pantsu, three webs, and a kudzu."

"And I've got both the kudzus I started out with," Jake volunteered. "Not much, considering there's still at least 30% of the opposition left."

"29.6%," Kagome corrected. "I've been getting a feed from Lebia. Take cover." _Stellvia_ 's security chief pulled a web greade from her belt, but didn't throw it immediately...

... because Kohran barreled around the corner three seconds after Kagome pulled the grenade's pin. "Eep! Oh, it's you..."

"Down!" Kohran ducked, Kagome tossed the grenade around the corner, and the curses of the group that had been chasing the Stellvian drifted around the corner. "That takes care of them. Where's the rest of your team?"

"Safety was taken out before the kaboomite bomb went off. Takami... I don't know. We got separated. I think I saw some catgirl Potterites chasing her."

"Then we have to assume she's gone bye-bye," sighed Miyuri.

"Right. You're with us now, ma'am."

Kohran smiled. "And happy to be with somebody to watch my back again!"

Kagome's commwatch beeped once. She looked at the display and frowned.

"What's wrong?" asked Jake.

"The last of the SJGames team just got taken out. By Nagato and Kyon."

Jake sighed. "Which means they get the book Noah wanted. He's going to be pissed off..."

"Down!" Kagome tossed her kudzu grenade over her shoulder. It went off as nerf arrows flew over the Stellvians' heads, trapping the Renfaire fen who had tried to ambush them.

"Oh, blast." Miyuri sighed as she took a nerf arrow out from between her collar and her neck. "Loot my body before you go, okay? You're going to need the grenades."

* * *

"Banner 2, this is Greentrees. What've you got for me?" I settled in to keep an eye on the door while Amy and a few of Jess checked the 'bodies'. All of them seemed to be unconscious at first glance.

"Peters is on Medical, boss," came the young pilot's voice. "No sign of Fivers yet. We had some Stormtroopers headed in your direction, though. Headed up from level 5, stairway Baker." The map references were our own, internal, and carefully designed to mislead anyone who might have hacked the channel.

"Yeah, we found 'em. Some redshirts got there first, though... had a nice little unmoderated truth-politics reaction. We might need that medical." Truth and politics - just like matter and anti-matter, but without the benefit of dilithium. Rei held up a hand to get my attention and pointed at the hallway. "Hang on a second, Lufy, I think we've got some more company coming." I settled into a squat by the door and palmed a grenade in one hand, Nerf in the other. "Amy, Jess, take cover, get ready."

Another glance told me who it was we were facing now and I bit my lip as several of those behind me cursed. "Greentrees for Banner 1," I snapped at the radio as we started piling stormtroopers into a makeshift barricade. "Lafiel, get your team and those Browncoats you hired up to Corridor J, level six. We've got Space Marines."

* * *

At last they had found what they were looking for: a secure location with ether-wave access. In this case, it was a closet that house one of Port Phobos's network hubs, complete with an ether-wave transceiver. A bit of judicious jimmying with Benjamin's biomod got the door open.

"You had better have it still," said Gina as Benjamin re-secured the door as best as he could.

"But of course, M'Lady," he said, drawing out the device from somewhere inside his tactical gear with a flourish. It was a cobbled together little thing that seemed to be held together by duck tape - the universal bonding agent (especially so when handwaved). Benjamin and Gina had gathered the materials needed to build it from left-over bits and pieces of whatever was lying around and Benjamin had somehow assembled the damn thing while on the run. It was a testament to his status as a gearhead and a loyal follower of Skuld the Ravenhaired.

"Good, give it here," she said, snatching it from his hand. She then pulled a chip out of her own tactical gear - the NPU from the toy car that had attempted (unsuccessfully) to put them out of the game for good - and slotted it into the device. She then took the cable that ran out of it and carefully plugged it into the micro-port hidden behind her right ear.

"Alright," she said as she then hunkered down and closed her eyes, preparing herself for a deep net-dive. "Accessing the wireless NPU from the toy car... Success! Slaving it to my own wireless system. Accessing the Port Phobos ether-wave network... Done. Now spoofing the car's MAC and IP addresses. Accessing the Fateful Lightning's network..." Gina then looked over at me and grinned savagely. "Conquest!"

Atropos was quite busy at the moment. With so many of her toy cars out and about, it wasn't surprising that one had dropped off the network, only to reappear again. It'd happened a couple of times when a car had strayed into a dead-zone and some curious Fen had picked it up and wandered back into reception range again. Needless to say, this usually proved to be a nasty shock for the curious Fen in question.

The car that had popped back into her awareness had been the one she sent into a hotel room quite a while ago. She wasn't sure who was in there as the car's camera had no time to properly focus the image, but from what she had seen she'd interrupted something that she really shouldn't have. Ah well, that's what people like that get when they forget about their surroundings.

The car in question wasn't doing anything. There was no one nearby - it was just sitting in the street. Maybe someone had found it and chucked it out the window? No matter. She ran a quick diagnostic check and, finding nothing wrong, she sent it on its way to terrorize whoever it could find and promptly put it out of her active sphere of thought.

It began at first as noise coming from somewhere inside the network. Of course, that meant something was wrong, but where was it coming from? And then she realized where she had open connections to the Port Phobos network. Checking on her connections to all her cars, she found that one of them, the recently recovered one, was uploading files to her servers! She did the cybernetic equivalent of a horrified gasp and shut down all the connections. Just before she did, though, the icon that represented the Trojan Horse car suddenly shifted. It was none other than Regina Langely! She suddenly blew a kiss at Atropos before winking out of existence. Oddly enough, she actually felt the 'kiss' hit her... it was a note. Curious, she read it.

>   
>  Good morning, asshat. As a registered citizen of the Principia Universalis I find your actions to be offensive and a violation to the Discordia Accords. This is your mandatory warning.
> 
> Love and Missiles,  
>  Lady Regina Langely of the Wired,  
>  Follower of the Writer of the Divine Code, Skuld the Ravenhaired  
> 

At first, Atropos wondered when the hell Gina had started talking to Trigon and how that had gone over (she suspected that Gina hadn't since the hacker-war to end all hacker-wars hadn't erupted - Gina's mean-streak was well renown as was Trigon's tact). And then she remembered who she was dealing with. A quick check over the servers didn't reveal anything right away until she noticed an odd looking creature in the periphreal of her perception. It was only there for a moment and then it was gone, but not before she got a look at it. It was an icon of something white and fuzzy with too-big eyes, long upright ears, a goofy grin, and buck teeth. Oh, and legs. Six of them to be exact on a round little body.

She then figured that she was just downright screwed right then and there as it would take her all day to clean the Yggdrasil Bug virus from the mainframes. The others were not gonna be happy about this. "Have fun?" asked Benjamin as Gina came out of her net-dive.

"Yes, I did as a matter of fact," she replied, vestiges of her nasty grin still on her face.

"Great. Let's go find Jess and see what she's been up to lately. I figure it's about high time we see if she could use any extra help."

"The day Wondergirl needs extra help is the day..." She suddenly trailed off, as though thinking better of what she was about to say. "Nevermind. Skuld only knows what Handwavium can do and I might be jinxing myself."

* * *

We all ducked back into cover as a spray of Nerf bullets spattered into the room. Fortunately we'd left nothing for them to hit but 'dead' people and empty walls. "Lafiel! Where are those browncoats you promised me?"

"Ah ah ah," came the taunting, all-too-familiar voice. "No browncoats for you, Rockhound."

"DODGE!" My shout grabbed Rei's and Jess' attention, and got a look of disgust from Amy. "You rat! You ... you squid! What in Garfield's name are you doing on this channel?"

"Why, gloating, Mr. Marsden, I'd have thought a man of your acumen would find that obvious." He was clearly having way too much fun, which just meant more fun in the post-battle bar brawl for the rest of us. As soon as we hunted him down, that is. "After all," he continued, "I've dealt with your browncoats, and with the lovely Miss Abriel, and the rest of her friends here at... was it Stairwell F, I believe?" Hell. He'd broken our whole system. Or he'd bribed Catty... which was all too possible, they were fairly close...

I stuck my hand around the edge of the door and let loose a couple of short bursts of fire, just to keep the Marines honest. They were getting too damn close for comfort as far as I was concerned, and Jess' harassing fire wasn't doing much to slow them down. "Hell, Dodge, I'm surprised you can even pronounce a word as long as 'acumen'."

That got a little laugh out of the bastard, at least. Come on now, Chris, just keep him talking... And then the pop-thud-hiss sounds of large Nerf rounds and silly string escaped the headpiece as Amy detonated two of the claymores we'd left on the stairwell. They were shortly joined by a spluttering Dodge, just as quickly cut off. "That ought to keep them from getting any more reinforcements up this way."

"Not that it'll do us much good at the rate these guys keep coming," said a Jess, slapping the first Marine over the barricade with a boffer sword to the neck. We backed deeper into the banquet room, taking cover under tables, as more of them poured in.

Then my radio crackled again. "Banner 2 for Greentrees," came Lufy's voice. I was about to ask when she'd get here when she yelled, "DUCK!", so I did.

Five minutes later, I could only conclude that Dodge had not, after all, been able to bribe Catty....

* * *

J. sidestepped the boffer sword the catgirl swung at him, grabbed her arm, and pulled her through an over the shoulder throw that tossed her to the ground. Unfortunately, she had a dartgun in her other hand, and he felt the sting of the impact in the middle of his chest. "Dead," he said, smiling. "Good shot."

The catgirl picked herself up. "Good fight," she replied. Looking around at the spectators, all staff and residents of the Home for Wayward Catgirls, she added, "Although, I wonder if you were planning on fighting all of us by yourself."

J.'s smile got broader. "Not really," he answered. "I was just hoping to get a large enough group in one place." Raising his voice, he shouted, "Fuck you, G.I.!"

There was a muffled "WHOOMPH!" as Kaos fired a grenade from the cover of a third-story window across the street. As the grenade spiraled through its brief, lazy trajectory, a manic, prerecorded voice could be heard emanating from it, squealing in high falsetto, "I'M A BOMB! I'M A BOMB! I'M A BOMB!" The explosion of paisley colored foam was approximately the consistency of shaving cream, and smelled like avocados. It filled the courtyard and the front parking lot, coating everyone who had been there.

J. wiped foam out of his eyes and glared at Kaos as he walked up. The tall, thin Blazer smirked at his partner, and said, "Nice distraction."

"Thanks," replied J. "Could you have waited until I cleared the blast area?"

"Not really, no," replied Kaos blithely. "Anyway, you're dead. What do you care?"

"Fine, fine. Let's get out of here. I smell like guacamole, and I need a shower."

* * *

Greenpeace trudged back into the Stallion's galley looking the worse for wear, causing Safety to cluck.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." Greenpeace sighed. "At least I took out Haruhi. But that counter-sniper fire did me in. Johnny avenged me, and did for most of her close allies before falling. How's everybody else doing?"

"Well, Noah's upset because he lost that book to Nagato and Kyon." Miyuri said from a table by the kitchen. The ''Forge'' crew had offered the ''Stallion'' as a meeting place to their allies (because it was the largest of their collective ships, and had bed space for all of the major allies) when knocked out.

"Madam Lebia has lost Keiichi from her group." Roberta said from where she and Fawn were giving Anthy cooking lessons. "They did eliminate the last of the Spartans however, so we have nothing to worry about in that respect. Chief Inspector Ten-Joh has just eliminated Koizumi, but her position does not look good according to Mister Eddie. Madam Kasumi eliminated the final S-Class Ninja involved in the event, which means we are just down to the independents. And Mistress Attim has informed the Players of an assault on Phobos Medical."

"Ouch." Greenpeace winced. "Never upset a Doctor. I'm going to change out of my gear."

As Greenpeace left, Miyuri turned to Roberta.

"Has anyone heard about Takami?"

Roberta looked off into the distance as she queried the Net.

"Ah. It seems as though the Rockhounds have called in a Medical team, as they have found Miss Sakuragi. The Mistress will send her back here once one of the Tachikoma which has been reset and marked as out arrives at Phobos Medical."

With a two-tone signal, the intercom came on.

"Keiichi here. I'm almost done, so I'll head out."

"Thank you Keiichi." Miyuki called.

* * *

I opened the emergency pressure valve in the door to discover a group of swords-and-sandals fen on the other side, working themselves into a battle frenzy. "This... is... PHOBOS!"

The valve was big enough. Before I closed the valve, I donated a kudzu grenade to their team, but forgot to include the pin. Once it was safe, I opened the door and said, "That... is... clichéd!"

If looks could kill... I swear, some fen have no sense of humour. We didn't stick around to give them a chance to get free and take their revenge.

We made it halfway down the corridor before Yayoi pushed Leda and me to the deck, just before something raced along the side of the wall. Just "something" - I couldn't see it, but it did make some sort of noise.

"That's a good trick, Jason," Yayoi called out in the direction the sound was traveling.

The Jason. One of the more dangerous opponents, according to Lebia's datafeed. And Yayoi just let him know she could spot him. We were doomed, unless we acted fast. I got what looked like a claymore out of my backpack. Pity; I'd hoped to use it against a mob, not one person, but the Jason was that dangerous.

"Okay, how'd you spot me?" Damn, he was already back. I still couldn't see him.

Yayoi smiled and tapped her glasses once with one finger. "Skuld made these for me."

"Ah. Divine intervention." The Jason looked like he popped into existence right in front of us. "A silly string bomb, Noah?"

I pointed the front of the bomb at him, and grinned. "No, you're agile enough to dodge silly string even at point-blank range. This is ludicrous string!" I hit the detonate button and hoped against hope that the Jason wasn't fast enough to dodge the entire effect...

* * *

Even as the claymore bomb exploded in a horrendous mess of strings in my direction, Kinto'un was already moving backward as fast as the AIs could drive it. Still, I'd been too close to avoid it entirely. I wound up on the opposite side of a gigantic tangle of silly string, my left arm caught up in it. "Blast it, Noah! I'm getting to _hate_ bombs. Somebody managed to tag me with a bloody Kawaii grenade earlier. I still reek of the thing...and it seems to make women view me as adorable. As in 'I will hug him and squeeze him and call him George!' adorable. I've been running from overgrown Elmyras for the last hour." Noah grinned at that. Unfortunately, Leda was starting to get that same look in her eyes. Hrm. "Chakra scalpel...." A glowing green blade extended from my fingertips and I cut my arm free.

"Tourniquet and sling." A 'wounded' band went around my arm, and a sling appeared to hold it. "All right...before Leda loses it, I think I'm gonna run. Later at the bar? Oh...and one last word. Bonsai!" Yayoi blinked. "You mean 'Banzai'?" My unwounded hand was in the pouch at my waist, and I pulled out something that looked like a huge acorn. "No...I meant exactly what I said. Bonsai!" I tossed it out towards the trio from _Stellvia_ , and commanded, "Be fruitful and multiply! GROW!" The nut shimmered, seeming to split into multiple copies in mid-air, even as they started to sprout. Within moments, twenty one-foot-tall miniature treants had sprung up. I gave a huge grin. "Sorry....it's required." I let out a mad cackle, and yelled out, "Get them, my wooden warriors! _Attack!_ " The treants began to pull vines from their foliage and started trying to entangle the three. "Have fun, Gulliver!" I murmured into my mike, and Kinto'un took off, away from the mess...and hopefully to a spot I could regroup. Still....walking wounded meant I was probably going to be out soon. Ah well...still a chance for a little more chaos first. I grinned as I zoomed down a corridor...and gave Woody Woodpecker's famous laugh, letting it echo in my wake.

* * *

Jess was taken mildly by surprise when she heard Ben's voice on the radio. One of herself that was already tagged out took the radio call - after all, who could say she was really cheating? The only way she could not know about it would be if she had the ones tagged out take off their headsets, and she honestly didn't feel like rounding up that many independent runners.

"This is Black and Red to Blue. Come in Blue? What's your status?"

"Benjamin? Gina?" she said in shock. She then turned away from the rest of the crowd at Callahan's and spoke in a hushed tone, "You two are still in the game?"

"Yeah," said Ben with a smile in his voice that spoke of mischievous doings. "We had a close call with one of those toy cars that's been giving everyone trouble, but you don't have to worry about that anymore."

"Well, that explains why I haven't had to shoot any more of the damn things. Status right now is bad and about to become FUBAR. I've been hanging out with Chris Marsden. Felt kinda bad for him after we ambushed his group early on. Right now, we're trying to pull his entire force together, and we got a bunch of Skuld-damned Space Marines closing in on us. You wouldn't happen to have something up your sleeve, would you?"

"Well, Red and I still have our Berret Fifties..."

"Wait," came Gina's voice. "The cars."

"The cars?" asked Ben.

"The Toy Cars," Gina clarified with annoyance in her voice.

"Gina," said Jess with a big grin. "You are awesome. Give 'em hell!" Gina grinned and closed her eyes as she accessed the nearest etherwave antenna while Ben covered her. Suddenly she had about twenty remote bodies scattered all over the place. Quickly, she set a subroutine to seek and destroy as many Marines as possible. That done, she set herself up to maintain a constant connection to the server so her subroutine could keep running the cars.

"Done! Let's go meet up with them. It's not often I get to pull her fat from the  
fryer."

"Right! Blue? Red and I are on our way. Let Chris know we're coming in."

"Roger that, Black and Red!"

At that moment, Jess passed the word over to Chris...

* * *

I sighed. "Yayoi, next time, don't ask - just assume it's something nasty." She looked contrite... for two seconds. "Now, do I dare use that Top Secret weapon?"

"You're keeping secrets from us?" Leda asked distractedly while staring off in the direction the Jason had ran.

"Not 'top secret' as in 'don't tell', 'Top Secret' as in a game that's older than you are." I pulled the Termite Bomb out of my backpack, sighed, and tossed it into the middle of the bonsai ents. "You did bioengineer the termites to be sterile and short-lived, right?"

Leda nodded. "Oh, that's why you wanted them like that."

"Yep. Let's go." And we took off in the opposite direction and down a stairwell, Yayoi and me half-dragging Leda. If she didn't snap out of it soon, we might have to send her to A.C... which meant sacrificing her somewhere so she'd be out of the game. I didn't want to do that to Leda.

Damn... the biggest weapon we brought didn't work against the Jason. Maybe I should have let Kohran bring along the toys that the Girls had left behind... but it was too late to go back and get them.

* * *

By the time the Marines took the doorway, several of Jess were down, and I was sporting a 'wound' on my left arm. We'd forted up behind two ranks of collapsed tables and were prepared to make a fighting retreat when Jess announced that the back doors out of the room were locked.

A paintball from one of the marines (loaded with buttercream frosting, yum) splattered on the chest of a redshirt I'd taken cover behind, and the semi-conscious Trekkie groaned. I zatted him again to keep him quiet and ducked as another hail of frosting-balls zipped by my head. "Anytime now, Lufy!"

* * *

Benjamin checked the combat web harness once more. He'd taken passengers on impromptu rides before on a Shell-Bullet Jump, but that had been in only the most extreme do-or-die situations. Her Royal Highness, Serenity I, came to mind. However, this time he was actually thinking about it and counted himself lucky that they'd been able to hold onto each other.

This time, it was going to be thought out, but there were complications. Gina was going to be holding and firing her Barret 50-Nerf sniper rifle - a weapon with so much punch, even in the nerf version, that even she needed to handle it with two hands. Benjamin had rigged his and Gina's combat webs to in an improvised manner to hold them together through the rough flight, but Ben had his doubts.

"Okay, you sure you ready for this, Gina?" said Ben, a bit uncertainly. "It's a pretty intense ride."

"Hell yeah I'm ready! Just do it already!"

"Okay then, M'Lady, you asked for it! ANNIHILATING FINAL BULLET!!!"

* * *

Lufy tucked away another round in her auto-grenade-launcher and gave the rest of her team one last glanceover. "Alright, team, are we ready?"

"YES!"

"Are we set?"

"YES!"

"Are we gonna mow down those Marines like they were kiddies on pixie sticks?"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"Right, then, let's go!" And up the stairs they charged, the map leading them directly to the same back door that was refusing to let Chris and the rest out. Catty's latest gizmo went through the lock in question like snails on speed, and for the ten second-longest seconds of her life (the first ten had passed while she watched Marsden's reaction to the destruction of Crystal Osaka), Lufy tapped her foot and waited.

Then the door opened.

* * *

Suddenly, there was an explosion somewhere overhead. Everyone looked up and were treated to an awe inspiring sight: Benjamin Rhodes, his Shell-Bullet arm active and trailing dust and smoke as he flew overhead... and Gina strapped tightly to his midsection. She had a snarl plastered on her face as she took aim and set the Berret to "AUTO" and pulled the trigger.

* * *

Eight Marines came through the door in the first wave. Gina caught four. Rei and Amy both plastered the same one, making sure he stayed down. (He twitched. Rei shot him again.) Then Lufy's squad plastered all eight with key-lime-pie grenades.

The rest of the Marines barrelled through the door, firing on full auto as they saw their comrades cut down. Frostingballs, pie grenades, zat sparks, and nerf bullets flew wildly across the room.

Out of somewhere, a dozen busty blondes appeared, thoroughly distracting several of the Marines.... and several of the other people in the room, too. Those who had time to pay attention might have noticed the way shots kept going through them... if anyone had had the time to notice. Some did, and kept their concentration...

* * *

Gina was a machine intelligence and a very quick one at that. Her body had reaction times that could keep up with her mind when she removed certain safety locks. And, fortunately, she was not distracted by the holographic nudes that kept popping up. By the time they reached the other side, Gina had nailed every single Marine still in play on the head.

After Ben and Gina disappeared on the other side, all of Jess suddenly sprung up, punching her fists in the air as they all shouted at once, "Seventeen consecutive headshots! UBER BITCHIN' BONUS!"

* * *

"Thank you for the assistance, Pilot Langley," murmured Rei as Ben and Gina landed. "It was quite timely."

"Uhm... you're welcome?"

* * *

A.C. paused as her enhanced hearing caught two rather erotically charged moans coming from the med-bay. A quick query to Frosty showed that Utena had been eliminated a while back and she and her wife were taking advantage of one of the massage drones (Greenpeace, as per her sense of humour, had nicknamed this one Taro of all things). Their enhanced physiologies were obviously giving them far more than they expected.

Resisting the 'Darkeyes' side of her's desire for a look, A.C. moved up to the command deck to drop off her things before returning down to the galley.

"Hello Roberta." The raven-hared cyborg greeted the maid.

"Mistress." Roberta acknowledged, a faint blush as always on her cheeks as she replied. A.C. wasn't sure why the android was so shy around her, but figured if it became a problem she'd deal with it then. She'd given up on getting Roberta to call her by name.

"How's the competition going?" She asked as Roberta turned back to the stove. "I know Utena's out. I heard her in the med-bay as I came in."

"Master Adonis is also out, however it seems the female fen did not want to see him go, so they have retired to the dance club Infinity."

"Those camouflage suits are tightly fitted." A.C. agreed with a smirk. Roberta's blush deepened.

"Mister Eddie is still picking off targets of opportunity, but has otherwise gone into hiding."

"And Lebia seems to have taken out Nagato and Kyon with a goop grenade." Fawn said as she walked into the galley.

"Hello Fawn. Any particular type?" A.C. asked as her administrative assistant came up to her side.

"A type 17." Roberta replied.

"Well, that'll explain the uncertainty. The safety foam is opaque and hardens quickly, and they won't WANT to escape until someone sets up a screen." A.C. scowled. "Andy still can't find out why it dissolves clothes. I'm surprised Lebia didn't call it in though."

"Yes, well." Fawn demurred. "Lebia was a little distracted by Gina Langley's Yggdrasil Bug attack on Atropos."

"She WHAT?" A.C. growled, causing Fawn to jump away in fright and Roberta to reach for her knives. "Von allen dumm, unverantwortlich, idiotisch... Live auf Ihren Ruf, warum nicht Sie." [Of all the stupid, irresponsible, idiotic... Live down to your reputation, why don't you.] She muttered under her breath, before taking a deep breath. "Right. So, besides that?"

"Madam Kasumi and her companion have been dark for a few hours now." Roberta continued, now that it didn't look like A.C. was getting mad.

"Kas rarely gets to go full Kunoichi," A.C. pondered, pulling Fawn into a reassuring hug to calm her down, "So she's either waiting for the right moment or engaged with another ninja of her level."

"Wait." Fawn reluctantly shrugged out of the hug. "I thought all the S-Class Ninja were out?"

"There's more than the Hidden Village out there Fawn."

"Madam Greenpeace is in the TV room with Miss Akisato and Miss Safety. They were watching Undercover Blues, but that would have finished a few hours ago. Miss Sakuragi is in her room relaxing, however she did ask if she could have a meal at this time. I have no information on Mr Scott's or Miss Mishima's team." Roberta finished her report.

"I do." A.C. leaned back against the counter. "Noah's team encountered The Jason. That 'Adorable Puppy' grenade had a stronger effect on Leda, but nothing serious as she recovered as Noah and I were talking." A.C. mock-pouted. "Which is a shame, as I'm sure Noah would have liked the treatment of having to give Leda a rather thorough snogging. Or the more effective treatment of having Yayoi do it. Anyway, The Jason's walking wounded at this point."

"Honestly A.C." Fawn huffed. "You're such a bad girl."

"I'm HARDLY a girl." A.C. said archly, before sighing. "And now I've got to do paperwork."

Fawn stuck her tongue out as A.C.'s back as the latter faux-stalked off muttering good-naturedly under her breath about slave-driving admin assistants.

* * *

Tonka and Booster were, on record, two of the largest Blue Blazers. Both men massed somewhere near 300 pounds each, with Tonka just below and Booster just above. They hulked by second nature, and used their mass with great effect.

They could, however, be outmassed by sheer numbers. Throw a suitable number of Browncoats, or Senshi, or Catgirls, or even other Blue Blazers at them, and they'd go down. Not without a fight, though, which was why Booster was covered with assorted goop, darts, paint, pies and other Phobos Invitational-approved ammo as he blocked the hall full of pursuers and Tonka scrambled out a window and dropped the single story to the street below. It was a brief respite, unfortunately, since their attackers had sentries who sounded the alarm even as Tonka's pump-action paintball shotgun took them down. Booster watched his partner take off down the street as he heard the mob retreat behind him, sighed, and set off in search of a shower, a clean shirt, and a margarita, preferably in that order.

Tonka, in the meantime, was mildly regretting being one of the heavier members of the Blazers. Despite his mass, he was in good shape, but it had been a long day, and he was getting tired. He rounded the corner at a lope, fully aware that the mob was closing. As he looked around for somewhere to take cover, he saw another Blue Blazer, sitting on a curb and taking a break while chowing down on a sandwich.

"Thag! Incoming!"

Thag nodded, chewed, swallowed, and put down his sandwich. Thag was many things. He was the largest member of the Blue Blazers that was human, standing 6'3" tall and massing almost 400 lbs. Prior to joining the Institute, he had been largely sedentary, and while his activity levels had increased, he still maintained much of his girth. Despite his size, Thag was not brutish; in fact, he possessed a keen sense of wit and common sense, plus a business savvy that made him a valuable contributor to many of the Institute's projects. And finally, Thag was a Rugsucker, and Rugsuckers always believe in carrying the Right Tool for the Right Job.

As the mob pursuing Tonka came around the corner, intent on their quarry, their attentions were drawn to the massive, red-haired man who stood in the street. Moreover, their attentions were drawn to the dangerous whirring noise that the large weapon he was carrying was making. Thag shifted slightly, smiled broadly, and depressed the trigger on his custom-made, battery-powered, rotary paintball cannon, lovingly nicknamed "Rosie." The whir erupted into a roar, and the street was filled with purple-colored doom.

Tonka walked over to where Thag had been sitting and eyed the rest of the sandwich. It had been sliced diagonally and Thag had only eaten half of it. "Hey, Thag?"

"AHAHAHAHA! CRY SOME MORE! CRY SOME MO-What?"

"You want the other half of this sandwich?"

"Nah. You can have it. *ahem* CRY SOME MORE!!!"

* * *

We used the mirror from Leda's compact to look around the corner, and saw a lone woman in USN whites trying desperately to blend into the corridor's wall. She looked familiar for some reason.

"Ginny!"

Ah, yes - she was Yayoi's girlfriend from the Stingray. (I'd only met the ensign once before.) She looked happy to hear Yayoi's voice, and dashed over to us. But I didn't expect any of Dodge's team to be out on their own; was this a trap of some sort? "Nurse Kittredge, what happened to your group?"

"Mr. Scott, I believe my team was taken out by Marsden's team from Rockhounds. I saw Lt. Lake escape down one hallway while I headed in the opposite direction. Captain Dodge was in the middle of the Rockhounds' nerf claymore field when it went off."

The same tactic I had tried against the Jason, except it worked against Tom. It sucked to be him. (But why did she volunteer that information to me? We weren't part of the same alliance for this game.) "Are you trying to hook up with whoever on your team made it through the ambush?"

"No, I've been ordered to act on my own initiative."

Oh, dear. That didn't sound suspicious.

"Would you like to join our team, Ginny?" asked Yayoi quickly. (Possibly too quickly.)

She smiled. "Sure!" She gave Yayoi a quick hug...

...and both of them backstabbed the other with nerf knives. While I expected Ens. Kittredge to fight dirty, I didn't think Yayoi had it in her. "Wonderful," I announced with a hint of annoyance in my voice. "You're both dead. Yayoi, you should have known better than to trust her."

"I did know better. Don't wait up!" And the two of them headed for the docks. I thought they were headed to the Stallion, but then I saw Yayoi get the key for the 'Blade out of her pocket.

Damn. My chief pilot's an AI, and her hormones are still more powerful than mine. Mind you, that stunt did leave Leda and me alone... Once again, I counted myself lucky to have such a good friend as Yayoi.

Too bad we were in no position to enjoy being alone - a couple of Warsies chose that moment to march around the corner. Leda and I pulled out our nerf DH-17s - they seemed appropriate - and started blasting as we ran at them. It took all our ammo to take them all down.

* * *

The battle was ended, and I stopped the blond holograms that I'd been using as a distraction for the others. I was starting to get a bit tired - I'd been going pretty much non-stop except for food breaks, and a long hot shower to remove the effects of the Kawaii grenade followed by a long nap were starting to become real temptations. Might as well consider wrapping it up soon. It's not as though I'd come to win the thing - just to have fun.

I had my kids put a thin, invisible forcefield shell around myself, or most of myself. It left my joints free, and most of my head. What it SHOULD do would be to limit the Kawaii effect I was giving off...at least for a few minutes, since there were far fewer areas exposed to radiate the pheromones, or whatever was causing it. I hoped. There were a lot of Jesses in there still. A quickly whispered conference and a bit of setup, and we entered the battlefield.

Eleven copies of myself, me included, entered the room on Kinto'uns. Only a few of my clones were solid, to give Iris more flexibility in creating the larger number of holograms. We all grinned and waved, and one of my clones greeted Ben and Gina. "Hey there. Having fun yet?" A second clone chuckled. "You like our new tricks?" All of us grinned then, and went into full distraction mode. Now...given Ben's arm, this should be...amusing. Especially since Gina was still hooked up from the trick they just pulled. "Harem no jutsu!" My clones and I disappeared into puffs of smoke...to be revealed a moment later as female adult versions, long dark hair partway down our backs, and clothed only in mist. Mind you, the mist was probably more erotic than simple nudity would be, just because it kept offering tantalizing glimpses while not really revealing anything. I spoke up then, for the first time. "We've been watching Naruto again. Can you tell? Picked up all sorts of interesting clone tricks." We all grinned....and then split into pairs - and one trio - and started to make out - cuddling, nibbling on earlobes and necks...putting on a show. Fortunately, monkeys have no shame, and neither did I.

We'd probably go down...but not without taking others with us. There were other clone jutsu in Naruto, after all...and three Maple Marshmallow grenades inside the solid clones I had scattered around meant I could do my own version of the Exploding Clone. Let one of them get hit, and it'd explode in a gooey mess. And of course, if I 'died', the remaining ones would go. I grinned inwardly, making out with the hologram in my arms. Now...given how much of a pervert Ben's arm was...

I'm actually off to one side, not with the clone trio in the middle that had the clone that spoke first. The idea was to make people think that was me, while I stood off to one side...and out of range of the marshmallow messes soon to follow. We can't afford to stick around too long - the forceshield coverings I've got up will only delay the Kawaii effect, not stop it. It will hopefully last long enough for my final hurrah and then to get out of range of the Jesses first, though.

* * *

There were four of us when we ran into the party of Warsies. The distinctive 'click-hiss' of the lead Stormtrooper preceded his demand for our surrender. "It's your four against our twenty. You can't take us. Surrender now and you can wait in our lounge while we finish this fight. We'll even comp the drinks."

Never tell us the odds.

The statuesque redhead at my right dropped the object she had in her hand and slowly raised both hands over her head, and smiled a slow, sensual smile. The Navy khakis she wore stretched over her impressive chest as she did so; then she kicked the object she had dropped and rolled it unerringly across the floor to _thump_ against the Stormie's boot. He glanced down and just had time to think "A coconut...?" before the coconut cream grenade went off and blinded the entire front rank. She and Mikey dived right, June and I dived left. June ended up against the bulkhead, and hauled out the BlastMaster goop gun I'd just finished the night before. Screaming neon and chrome, the four-foot gun with the .5 meter aperture coughed once, and an expanding mass of green goo blasted three of them back against the wall and stuck them there. Mikey had hauled out his multi-cannon and started blasting away with goober rounds as well; Willie was sniping from behind his bulk with a bamboo Nerf cannon to keep their heads down.

I smiled a small, evil smile and pulled out my own weapon. Several of the troopers pointed and laughed, since I could only get two fingers on the grip. Bad move. The Noisy Cricket silly-string gun coughed once. I slid backwards across the floor, but I was expecting the recoil, so the five of them were down, entangled in the eight-foot sphere of silly string. By the time I slid to a stop and stood up, the rest of the troopers were down, gooped to the walls, the floor, and in one interesting case I couldn't account for, the ceiling.

"Slight problem," June said, as she slammed another magazine home. "We can't get through the end of this hallway now." I sighed and rezzed up my "Welcome to Phobos" map from my cell phone. Darnit, we'd never get to their flag station at this rate...

* * *

Jake and Kagome were busy providing supression fire from a doorway marked "Stan's Quality Danegoods" while Kohran keyed in the door's combination. It was amazing how many people overlooked an obvious weapons cache, but the improperly-properly-spelled sign seemed to be sufficient camouflage.

Finally, Kohran announced, "It's done." The door opened, and the three Stellvians dashed into the room inside...

...only to discover a large number of opened, empty boxes. "Blast! Somebody else got here first." Kagome locked the door closed behind them. "At least we have a few seconds to get our feet back under us. Is there anything useful left?"

Jake held up two nerf tommy-guns. "There's ten drums of ammo for these."

"Good. Have you found anything, Kohran?"

"Oooooooooooh, yes... yes! ''Yes!"'' She was bent over, half-inside a large packing crate. "And the crate of ludicrous-string grenades is still here! Unopened!"

Jake and Kagome looked at each other, and grinned. "You going to need some help, ma'am?" Jake asked.

"Thanks. Would you load the grenade launcher while I load the nerf guns?"

Kagome nodded. "You two work on that. I'm going to risk contacting Noah."

* * *

My wristcomm beeped. "Noah here."

"Sir, it's Kagome. Kohran, Jake, and I are inside the cache. Somebody else got here first, but Kohran's toy is intact."

"Good. Leda and I are following up on a lead Lebia sent us, so we're going quiet for at least five minutes."

"Understood. Mishima out."

I turned to Leda. "What's the target's status?"

She looked up from the mirror she was holding around the corner. "She's trying to raise someone on her wristcomm. I think she's starting to panic."

"Most if not all of her team has been eliminated already. Let's put the poor girl out of her misery."

Leda smiled, and passed me a grenade. "Here you go."

"A type 17 goop grenade?"

She nodded, and tapped her pocket. "And I have the dissolver right here."

Which, once applied, would leave the target free... and naked. "You're too good to me, Leda."

"I know. But this is on one condition, Noah: you can look, but you can't touch."

"That sounds more than fair." I gave her a quick kiss, then walked around the corner. Our target was still panicking, and still alone. Just before I threw the grenade at her, I said in my best Jokey-Smurf imitation, "I've got a present for you, Ms. Mikuru..."

* * *

Lebia finally had everything set and now had to warn her allies.

Using the oft-forgotten text messaging feature that was standard in all makes of wristcomms/comwatches from the first, she sent the warning. Not that they would directly be affected, she was far too skilled for that.

Eddie finished his analysis of positions, observations, and signals intelligence, and gave her the targets. Then, with the data-scape equivalent of evil grins, struck.

In a precisely calculated pattern throughout Phobos' comms and data systems, beings suddenly got hit by 'l'Experience Sonique', created by a bored Leonard da Quirm one day based on the descriptions from the Undocumented Features fanfiction series. (Benjamin Hutchins, on receiving a copy from Leonard, reportedly had screamed in terror and hid under the bed. He later lamented the fact he had deleted his copy, to prevent his curiosity getting the better of him.)

When the track had finished 5 minutes 23 seconds later, less than 10% of the original combatants were still in the game and Lebia and Eddie owned Phobos' computer systems outright.

"Guess we don't have to use the rest of the album then?" Lebia asked Eddie wryly.

"Nope." Eddie agreed. "May have a Con resolution banning us from using it again though."

"True. We'll just have to use it on those trying to stop us using it." Lebia gave the electronic equivalent of a shrug. "It'd make an excellent riot control device though."

"Ain't that the truth."

* * *

I walked into the Stallion's airlock, and promptly fell over.

When I regained consciousness, A.C. was setting my broken arm. "What in the name of the Great Bird of the Galaxy happened to you, Noah? You were covered with bits of every non-leathal grenade filler Greenpeace and I have ever seen, and a few that even we couldn't identify. And some of those nerf bullets were crazy-glued on to your skin."

"A.C., I learned four things in the half-hour before I blacked out in your airlock... How long was I out, anyway?"

"Ten minutes. What did you learn, and what does it have to do with what I asked?"

"What it has to do with what you asked will be obvious. What I learned... First, the artists working on the You Know What You Doing H-doujinshi have no idea what Mikuru Asahina really looks like; she looks even better than those drawings. Second, that's her natural hair colour."

"You used a type 17 on her." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yeah. Third, Mikuru is damned sexy when she's wearing nothing but my jacket."

"I remember you told me you weren't a Heinleinian, Noah."

"Doesn't mean I can't look at other women. Fourth, and most importantly, Mikuru's fan club is awfully possessive of her."

A.C. whistled. "I'm surprised you got away from them with only one broken bone. Where are Leda and Yayoi?"

"Yayoi was eliminated almost an hour ago; the last I saw, she and her girlfriend were headed for the 'Blade. Leda should have hooked up with Jake, Kohran and Kagome by now. Can I have a beer?"

"Not until the painkillers I gave you wear off."

"I was afraid you were going to say that..."

* * *

A feral grin passed across Tom's face. This whole exercise had been the most fun she'd had since That Asshole had thrown her old self into that doohickey. True, the ground fighting from Tango Shoes had brought back some good memories, but it had also brought back some of the bad ones that went with it. PTSD was a bitch and a half to get over.

She shook her head to clear it and got back to her city fighting experience. Port Phobos had it all over Kandahar and Sadr City for the ease of movement a typical civilian could think of. But where it really shone was the access tunnels. Despite her... pneumatic build and thanks to the ridiculous flexibility most catgirl victims wound up with, Tom was able to wriggle through crawlspaces, shimmy up Jeffries' tubes and generally get into places folks would not expect a centerfold-grade woman to get to.

She looked down on the platoon of Leathernecks below her, walking fat and happy. It was obvious many of them had been fresh from Boot Camp when the Stingray lifted, because they were in Textbook formation. She smiled and uncapped her fat red washable marker. Time to make sure the rookies lived up to the Corps' reputation.

"Oo-rah!" she whispered. She might not be welcome back in the States right now, but, "retired" or not, she was still a Marine.

* * *

"All right! Now we're cooking with steam!" Kohran marched the battlemover she was wearing out of the weapons cache, providing cover for the rest of her team.

Then a siren sounded behind them. "You! In the mecha! Pull over!"

"What's a police officer doing here?" wondered Kohran.

Jake shrugged. "Better not to piss her off." They stepped to the side of the corridor and waited.

A tall, slim, attractive woman walked up to the party. "Do you have an operator's licence for that power suit?"

"I didn't know she needed one," Jake commented. "And it's a battlemover, not a power suit."

The officer glared at him. "This is Mars. All operators of mecha, battlemovers, or other ''power suits'' must pass the basic competency test administered at Cydonia Marsbase Sara. The licence they issue is the only proof of completion we recognize. So..." she turned back to Kohran. "Do you have that licence?"

"How do we know you're actually a police officer?" asked Kagome.

"Here's my badge." She flipped open her wallet. "Chief Inspector Natsuko Aki, Helium Police Department."

"'Helium'?" Jake asked. "Doesn't that mean you don't have any authority here?"

Inspector Aki turned quickly, shot three times, and grinned. Suction-cup darts stuck to Kagome, Jake, and Leda's foreheads. "You're right. But you're also out of the game. Suckers."

Kohran put one hand on Natsume's shoulder and squeezed - not enough to injure the policewoman, but it was obvious that the young Mad could have crippled her opponent. The suit hummed for a moment, then she asked, "Now, do I put my other hand around your neck and pretend to squeeze, or do you admit you're out too... big sister?"

Aki looked shocked. "What?"

"Noah told Yoriko and me about you and Agatha, the day we woke up. The day after the two of you woke up. I always wanted to meet both of you, but whenever I had free time, you were nowhere to be found."

"I'm the chief inspector of a big-city police department. I'm a busy woman."

"And I'm a senior member of an important faction; you could have justified taking the time to meet me."

Natsuko glared at Kohran. "Fine. I was avoiding you."

"Why?"

"That should be obvious. And every minute you spend talking to me is a minute the other teams have to bring heavy weapons up against you. Didn't Scott-san teach you better tactics than that?"

Kohran thought for a moment. "All right... but I do want to get to know you. As a person, not a name out of our father's past."

"You're calling him 'father'?" Natsuko shook her head in disbelief. "Go on, get out of my sight already..."

After Kohran left, Jake turned to Natsuko. "What was all that about?"

"Ask Scott-san, or Hasegawa." They couldn't miss the scorn she put into saying Sora's name. "I have nothing more to say about this." And she walked off towards the entertainment district.

"Why did she attack us?" Kagome wondered. "It made no tactical sense at all."

Leda frowned. "Because we're Noah's friends. I think she's jealous of us... C'mon, let's go back to the Stallion; Noah's going to want to know about Ms. Aki, and it would be rude to tell him over a commwatch."

* * *

The group of FESWAT at the corner table in Callahan's had grown somewhat as more eliminated members trickled, or were carried in. Auger had just finished recounting his team's escape from a group of Hunter class Heavy Gear when a waitress arrived at the table and plunked down a fresh pitcher.

"compliments of tall, dark and edgier than thou over there," she said, pointing to an un-helmeted man in silver and bronze tactical dreadnought armour.

F and Auger grinned and raised their glasses in salute. The Space Marine smiled and returned the gesture before turning back to his conversation.

"What was that about, Furry?"

The two glanced at each other and F held out his glass. Auger sighed and started pouring. F waited until the glass was full, "Well, before we got split up our groups ran into him in one of the lower level corridors." He paused as Auger began to snicker. "Alright, I ran into him. Literally. You'd be surprised how quiet someone in that much armour can be."

"Anyway, I've got both my hands full, that dinky little airsoft thing in one, sword in the other, and he doesn't give me any time to draw something heavy enough to deal with his armour. He's got a nerf-bolter in one hand and boffer chain sword in the other and I've barely got time to roll to my feet and parry as he charges at me."

Pausing to take a sip of his drink, F grimaced at the memory. "And let me tell you, you don't want to parry a chain weapon if you can help it. Damn near ripped the sword out of my hand. So I'm back pedalling frantically, dodging swipes from his sword, when Grey and this joker," he indicated Auger with a tilt of his head, "make into the corridor behind him. Can't imagine what took them so long."

Auger shrugged unapologetically, and F resumed speaking. "I figure I've got to keep his attention so they can do something, so I start talking. I say to him 'It may look like I'm in trouble, but I'm an Engineer, I know how to handle this.' And he just gives me this look, right through his helmet and says, 'Oh, and how is that?'. My reply, of course, is 'More gun.', which is when Grey opens up with that Bullgut of hers. He takes all six rockets full in the back and is stuck standing there, wrapped in tangler string."

A new voice broke in while the rest of the table was snickering. "Last we saw of him we'd found a hand trolley and wheeled him over to a recovery point," said Abigail as she pulled up a chair. "'Though, isn't the Bullgut more of a rocket launcher Furry?"

"Yes," said F, "but the principle still stands." He gave Abigail a once over. "I take it the alliance with the pirates and ninja is over?"

She shuddered and reached for a glass. "Yeah, they both stabbed me in the back, the idiots," she said before taking a long drink. "You'd have thought they'd have noticed I was about to throw a foamer grenade, or at least moved away from me before trying to finish each other off."

"I was wondering why your armour was so clean," Auger said. "It's all shiny and squeaky like a new recruits." He leaned too far back to dodge a retaliatory swipe and tumbled from his chair. The rest of the table broke up as Abigail and F hauled him up off the floor.

* * *

Chris grinned and shook Dodge's hand. "A great fight, Captain, but you do know what happens next."

"Of course! We retire to the party lounge, and you go to see if you can fight through my rearguard and booby-traps to get to our flag-base."

"Well," Chris mused, "There is that. But there's also the question of us 'torturing' the disarm codes out of you. I have a whole box of chinese finger puzzles, and a few jaffa cakes..." He watched the Navy man's face carefully, and grinned at the expression he saw. "Or I could go right to the chocolate-chip anchovie cookies."

"You wouldn't. Chocolate and anchovies? That's... that's inhuman! Beyond the pale!" Indeed, even Ben and Gina seemed a bit dismayed, and several Jess were covering their mouths and stepping back from the scene.

Chris grinned widely and held up a bag of fish-shaped chocolate-chip cookies, waving them under Dodge's nose. "Now, now, Captain..." He chuckled. Then pushed Dodge back into the crowd of Marines. "G'wan, get out of here. We'll get in the old-fashioned way."

The Marines, rather disappointed that the hot blondes had been only holograms, shuffled discontentedly out the exit, to make their way eventually back to the bar. Despite the solemnity of defeat, they quickly started chatting and joking among themselves. They might be out of the game, but the celebration was only beginning. And besides, they'd get their revenge next year.

Chris, then, turned back to his allies-of-the-moment with that same wide grin. "We do make a good team, hmm? Glad to have you along." After a brief pause, though, he added, "Way too much of an imbalance on the Eva pilots, though. Feeling lost in the sea of Rei, Ms. Langley?" He chuckled slightly, fiddled with his watch for a moment, and then...

"Henge no jutsu!" And he changed.

And it was a perfect Asuka Sohryu-Langley, dressed in a red yukata with gold lining, whose arm Amy O'Connell took with her right, just as she took Rei's in her left - Rei's own uniform having been replaced by a matching yukata in blue and white - and the three bestowed a perfectly innocent 'schoolgirl chums' look on Ben, Gina, and the Jess's. "Cheers!" they called in unison, and as Lufy's troops fell into position around them.

"Perv," Gina hmphed, half-affectionately, and leaned back as Chris reached out to tousle her hair as they passed. So far she'd kept him from finding out why she avoided it, and she meant to keep it up.

"Perv?" Chris smiled and lowered her hand, letting the other Asuka lookalike retreat. "Maybe, maybe, little sister. But if that was all I wanted, I'd henge into Ami Mizuno, get some black silk ribbon, and head down to medical..."

"You're the one who was using pornographic holos to distract the Marines," snapped Gina, just as a rather young-looking figure with a decided resemblance to the aforementioned blonde holograms - indeed, it appeared identical - appeared in the doorway.

"Nope! Those were mine!" she crowed, gaining the instant attention of all in the room. "Worked pretty well, too, huh?" The fact that she was riding on what appeared to be a hovering cloud just added to the sheer surreality of the scene.

Then, not noticing Ben's face reddening, she asked, "Got any of those jaffa cakes left?"

And just as one of Lufy's troopers (''Optio'' Graham Miller, a former miner who'd opted to follow the Eagles at the start of the Boskone War, after losing several friends to slavers and pirates) was about to hand over the box of the British sweets, Fate handed the group a sign that All Was Not Going To Be Quite So Easy.

"SHIT!" cried out Ben as his Shell-Bullet arm suddenly went wild, bucking and thrashing as Benjamin tried desperately to get the thing clipped to cargo strap around his waist.

The Rockhounds group backed off, quickly, being familiar with the odd quirks of Ben's particular problem. The leaders, also being familiar with it, waited to see what they could do to help.

(The kid, on the other hand, chowed down on a jaffa cake, then asked Graham for the bag of cookies.)

"Here!" cried out Gina as she went to help him with the writhing armored arm, muttering Teutonic imprecations as she did so. As chances to do so appeared, Jess, Amy, Jess, Chris, Jess, Rei, and Jess also piled in. Eventually, the arm did get pinned down and restrained, but only after several people got bruised and Benjamin had been pinned down to the ground.

"Sometimes," said Benjamin as he got up wearily, "I think this thing is more trouble than it's worth." No one dared to disagree with him.

As the blonde nibbled, tasting the new cookie, she snickered softly and slowly morphed into a blond-haired boy with whisker marks on his face. The Roughriders had already figured out who they were dealing with, but it wasn't until now that the Rockhounds team began to grasp it.

Chris, Amy, and Rei directed a uniform glare of their own at the boy. "You, young man," Amy snapped out, the command voice coming easily to the former Air Force officer. "You have two choices."

"What's that?" he asked around a mouthful of cookie.

"You can come with us... or we can lock you in the vegetable locker."

The kid laughed. "Come with you? Guess I could. Though you wouldn't want to lock me in with the vegetables, anyway. I'd just turn them into minions..." The kid's form morphed again...still a boy, maybe ten or so, but dark-haired now...with a monkey's tail. He gave the others a big grin. "Hey guys. Having fun yet? Don't get too close, please...I got hit with a Kawaii grenade a while back. I've taken a few measures to hinder the effects, but if you're female you might want to stay back."

* * *

A.C. observed Noah's semi-depressed rant with a disappointed scowl, watching as the rest of the Stellvians tried to calm him down. Finally she gave a long sigh and interrupted.

"Oh for Big Blue's sake Noah, shut up and calm down."

Noah made to retort, but a glare from A.C. made him pause, which A.C. took advantage of.

"Regardless of everything else, YOU aren't going ANYWHERE until your arm finishes healing. Which will be at least two hours."

"But-"

"Lebia has a lock on her, and she isn't scheduled to go back to Helium until tomorrow. Besides, now I know they're up and about I have to make the offer to upgrade them to current spec. If I can find Agatha, which will be tricky."

"You're assuming they're still together." Takami looked up from the computer console logged into the Hacker Underspace's private network (which was watching Fate reverse-engineer Gina's virus). "When I hacked the passenger lists of the ships from Helium, I didn't see anyone named 'Agatha' on the shuttle Natsuko came up on. Or any blondes the right age, either."

"Did she come up on some other shuttle?"

Takami shrugged. "Who knows? Half the late-teenage or early-twenties blonde Sparks out there call themselves Agatha."

"You think they split up when they ran away from home? I guessed that, given their personalities. Thanks for checking anyway. I'm hoping that Natsuko is still in contact with her given that, of the two of them, Agatha was most likely to figure out their maintenance needs. Otherwise it's the hard way. Getting them to trust me is the tricky part." The cyberneticist gave a half amused, half despairing snort. "Why is it," she asked rhetorically, "that every intelligence I have a hand in bringing into the world is more human than I am?" Shaking off the reflective mood, A.C. straightened up and stalked the few steps over to Noah to poke him in the chest with a well-manicured finger. "Now, I STILL have some work to do. If you're good, and I mean ''very good''..." The green-eyed woman purred in that way that raised the temperature of anyone in earshot. Although Noah wasn't having an easy time of it as A.C. was leaning in JUST the right way to give him an enticing look at her cleavage. "I may let you escort me to my chat with her. But," She added as she leaned back and idly tossed her hair back with a sweep of a hand, "that will take some time."

"At least two hours?" Leda asked wryly.

"Smart AND beautiful." A.C. smiled seductively at the senshi. "You really are too good to Noah. If you ever get tired of this big lug, you know where to find me."

"I may be a Senshi, but I'm straight."

"That's a shame." A.C. gave Leda a friendly wink. "Ladies." The raven-haired cyborg walked out with eye-catching seductive grace.

"Boy, Noah." Greenpeace said brightly. "That last time I saw A.C. go that seductive was when she was questioning some Criminal Guild mooks. Of course she likes you, which is why you're not needing a change of underwear from her bad side."

"I nearly need a change of underwear from her ''good'' side, if you get my meaning."

"Oh?" Leda grinned as she took Noah's available hand. "Is there a room around here where the two of us can be alone and unobserved?"

"Not for another two hours," A.C. insisted, from the hallway.

"It'll be too late then," Noah and Leda muttered in unison.

Their watches double beeped, indicating a new text message. In eerie synchronicity they looked at their watches, blushed, looked at each other, blushed harder, then turned to look out the Galley door with something like terrified awe.

The Forge residents didn't point out how close they were to an intercom station, which turned off.

* * *

Tom grumbled to herself. "Damn pukes were taken out by their libidoes." Their Gunny was going to hear about it at the debriefing. Aunt SAMantha might have a looser dress code than Uncle Sam but the core of her CORPS was shaping up to have the kind of reputation her inspiration had dirtside. It was like the old saying about Ginger Rogers: she did everything Fred Astaire did, backwards, in high heels and a dress. Admittedly, Tom hated wearing the Sammies' "formal" uniform but she loved the way Allison looked in it.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Now that her targets of choice were out, all she was left with were ...

She grinned when she saw the battlemover. She was going to get to use the stuff she cadged from the ninja wannabes. The thing was loud, clanking, and seemed to be looking for similar targets. Just like a 'Dane tank, and she KNEW how to handle tanks. She watched from the tunnels for a while, to get an idea of the field of vision of her target. Satisfied, she dashed from cover point to cover point as the head of the suit swiveled around, staying out of the pilot's line of sight.

She pulled a "post-it" from the pad and slapped it on the back of the suit's knee, tearing a corner and priming the expansion foam "limpet mine explosive note." A manic grin split her face as she dashed to a safe distance and more concealment.

"God, I love satchel charges!"

* * *

Kohran limped into the Stallion's airlock. "Would somebody help me get out of this thing, please?"

Noah held up his broken arm. "Not for another half-hour, according to A.C. If you would, ladies...?" But Kagome and Greenpeace were already cutting the sponge away from Kohran's mecha's leg. "Thanks. Now, Kohran, what did you learn from this?"

She sighed. "That you were right and the suit was too bulky for real-world use."

"Well, maybe, but that wasn't what I was thinking. What I expected you to say was 'never send a mech out without a covering escort.'"

"But you were all out of the game!"

Kagome looked around. "Really? When did Kasumi and Andy get taken out?"

Kohran sighed.

Noah held up his free hand to stop the discussion. "Enough. Who gets the free stay at Hotel Stellvia?"

"Oh, right. I'm pretty sure it was Tom Dobbs who got me..."

* * *

If Eddie were given to maniacal laughter, which he wasn't, he'd be running for the Mad Scientist laugh of 2015 at this point. His patience was about to pay off.

(It should be noted that patience is a trait all Information-based sapients have, merely because their lives are so fast. To even the slowest Infomorph, a minute to us is a millennium to them. Even Trigon, arguably the LEAST patient AI ever, has the equivalent patience of a Saint when taken in that respect.)

Over the course of several hours Eddie had been working on this scheme. Through the surreptitious use of cracked comms, hijacked drones, Lebia's control of the Phobos datanet, several miles of silly string, a couple barrels of custard, two dozen assorted silly-tech grenades, half a tapioca pudding, and one slightly bruised herring (plus whatever else was handy), and via several other encounters on the way he had finally arranged for the last Stormtrooper platoon and the regrouped remains of the Starfleet Marines to be facing each other. All it needed was a spark.

To both groups horror, the most dreaded object this side of Barney appeared out of the junk lining the hallway, banging its drum.

"It keeps going, and going, and going..."

They tried to resist, they really did, but the urge to KILL was too strong.

The Energiser Bunny disintegrated under the combined fire of the two groups, which then turned on each other.

All the while Eddie watched in electronic glee. With these groups whittled down, there was no longer any single organised group capable of overwhelming his team. The US Marines were pretty much out at this point thanks to the Rockhound/Roughriders/Jason group.

* * *

"Bleh," said Benjamin all the sudden. "I dunno about you guys, but I need to take a little safety break. I'll be over here in this restaurant for the next few minutes."

Everyone gave Gina and the Jess's confused looks. The Jess closest to Gina shrugged at her and said, "Might as well tell them what's going on. He never said it was classified or anything."

Gina sighed in annoyance. "Yeah, right. You guys know that Ben's been using his Shell Bullet attacks a lot recently, right? Well, thing is that while his transformation is fueled by whatever non-living matter is available in the area, the attacks are fueled directly by him."

"Wait, you mean..."

"Yep," chimed in Jess, casting a worried look in the direction of the restaurant. "He's probably running dangerously low on blood sugar right now."

"The dumkopf," grumbled Gina. "He knows he's supposed to replenish his blood sugar after every round of attacks but he gets hyper-focused on things to the point of exclusion of all else. Especially himself."

While they waited, Chris was getting hungry as well. Using the 'trixie transformation cost some personal energy, too. "He reminds me a lot of me," to which Rei nodded in agreement.

"I, too, am growing hungry," Rei added, quietly. As always for her.

Amy grinned and nudged Chris/Asuka in the ribs. "Well? You heard her."

"Oh, alright," and a cellphone was produced. "Who's up for NinjaBurger? And what does Ben like on his?"

"He likes the Bacon Ranch Deluxe," said Gina. "And I'll have the Mushroom Swiss Special."

Then, a Jess approached with a slip of paper with a large order on it. "I'll have this," she said as she handed it to Asuka/Chris. "Tell them to put it on my tab. They'll know it was me."

Chris eyed the suddenly hungry looking troop of Jesses. "Somehow, I don't doubt it."

Amy's and Rei's orders were dutifully taken (teriyaki-swiss and the tofuburger, respectively), requests were taken from Lufy's troops and the Jason, and the group retired to a convenient lounge nearby.

With NinjaBurger's usual aplomb, the meals were already laid out and waiting for the crowd when they arrived.

Benjamin finally exited the restaurant at that point. When he did, he was carrying a two-and-a-half gallon bag-in-box of 7-Up syrup. He had it fitted with a tube that was mated to the BIB's fitting and was sucking away at it like a kid with his favorite juice-drink.

"You gonna be long with that, dumkopf?" said Gina without much rancor in her voice.

"I'm already half-way done with it," he replied around the tube. That statement took everyone else by surprise.

"That thing's two-and-a-half gallons! How can you drink all that and still stand?"

Benjamin shrugged. "I think it's a quirk. Makes sense that the Wave would make it so I could rapidly recharge this way. The other alternative would be something like Espresso."

"Which he is never touching if I'm around to stop him," said Gina suddenly in a tone that made it clear that she meant it.

Benjamin shrugged again and added, "We have no idea what it'll do to me since I'm prone to hyperactivity anyways."

"You? Hyperactive?" said Gina sarcastically.

"Yeah. You should have seen me when I was a kid. You'd never get me out of the trees."

The Jason looked over at Ben and Gina, and snickered softly. "You sound like my daughters, Gina. They HAVE seen me on an Expresso high once. They described me as being worse than a two-year-old that had been force-fed Pixie sticks and twice-brewed coffee for three days." He pulled a tiny vial out of his beltpouch, one that had just a few drops of dark brown fluid in the bottom. "Brought this along for an emergency boost. I'd been considering it recently, but they talked me out of it." He chuckled wryly. "For SOME reason...."

Gina snorted at that. Finally, Benjamin sucked the bag-in-box dry and went to stuff it into garbage can. "All done! And I'm feeling much better!"

"You sure you can handle another go at this?" said Gina. Her voice held the tone of challenge, but the look on her face was laced with concern.

"I'll need a few days off after this, but I'll be alright."

Jess rolled her eyes. "More work for us to do," she said, referring to Gina and herself. "At least the War is over. Stick around, Boss. We ordered Ninja Burger for you, too."

"Bacon Ranch?" asked Ben with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Psshht!" scoffed Gina. "As if we, your ever dependable assistants, would forget something as simple as that!"

"My Lady has my gratitude," said Ben as he bowed, taking her hand and laying a kiss on it. The odd part was that Ben did not seem one bit sarcastic at all.

Gina went pink. "Dumkopf! Knock it off with the Romeo act!" Any other person she would have pummeled (with restraint, of course, since there was no need to kill anyone), but not Ben. This only added fuel to the debate (sometimes flame war) on the Senshi networks of whether or not the two were an item.

Ben said nothing, but his eyes twinkled with mischievous delight as he stood back up.

Meanwhile, The Jason practically inhaled his own food - three large teriyaki burgers with grilled onions and swiss - and sat back with a sigh. He was still staying as far away from the females in the group as possible.

"Guys? If we're going to be going up against a base, I might want to up the flexibility of what I can do. While we're here, let me charge something up." He was already fumbling in the pouch on his belt, pulling out a small... jeweler's box? It appeared to be so, since he opened it and slipped a ring onto his good hand. He glanced around the room, and then gave a small grin, holding his fist out in front of him just above the table.

"In brightest day... in blackest night..." The air seemed to thicken in front of his fist, revealing a large glowing emerald lantern. "...no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power: Green Lantern's light!" There was a flare of green light, and the lantern vanished, leaving the ring on the Jason's hand shining with a bright green aura. The front of his orange gi, which had been plain before, now bore a green-bordered white circle with a stylized green lantern on it in the place where Son Goku wore the mark of his master.

He turned a shit-eating grin on the others, and a beam came out of the ring, turning into a hand giving a huge thumb's up. "You like?"

Benjamin only blinked for a moment, then said, "Okay, we're putting you on frontal assault."

* * *

"...And in other sports news, the second annual Port Phobos Invitational is drawing to a close  
with only a handfull of Fen still standing. Reports indicate both casualties and spirits are high.  
While Port Phobos administration estimates that the clean up will take several weeks and reminds  
visitors to be wary of unexploded frosting munitions."

* * *

"WHERE'S THAT ARTILLERY SOLDIER!?"  
"It's coming now sir!!!"  
 **KABOOM! KABOOM!**  
"Did we get it!?"  
 **boomp-boOMP-BOOMP-BOOMP!** "Still going! Nothing outlasts the Energizer Bunny(c)! It keeps going and going and..."  
"OPEN FIRE!!! CAN ANYTHING STOP THIS MONSTER!?!?"

* * *

"Today in Fenspace, Monster Asteroid recently accepted a new creature to its confines. The Energizer Bunny(c) will serve as an indestructable target for the creatures kept there to vent their rage upon, as it seems that nothing can stop the Energizer Bunny(c). At the very least, it can be contained."

* * *

_fin._


End file.
